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    From Ros Altmann:economist and pensions,
    investment and retirement policy expert

  • pensionsandsavings.com

    Pension jargon explained for April Fools Day

    Pension jargon explained for April Fools Day

    With grateful thanks to Simon Grover of ‘quietroomtweets’ for his April Fool take on pension jargon – hope you enjoy it. Source is here: http://quietroom.co.uk/general/fool2015/

    With less than a week to go before the new ‘pension freedoms’ take effect, a Government body is today announcing a new tool to help explain the changes.  A Pensions-Related Information Lexicon is the latest publication from the Financial Office Of Language (FOOL), a quango that brings together experts from the world of business communications to help explain pensions to normal people.

    Absolut return – Strategy that aims to give the same return regardless of how much vodka your investment manager has drunk

    Annuitease – Income for life that’s less than you’d hoped

    Benefishiary – Pet who inherits your money

    Bond – Type of loan that leaves you shaken but not stirred

    Commutable pension – An income for people within the M25

    Default – Responsibility for a bad investment decision

    Defurred – Scheme member who’s been stripped of their protection

    Drawdownton – To use retirement savings to buy a stately home

    Growth – Usually a good thing. But check with your doctor, just in case

    Lump sum – An amount approximately equal to the value of a sugar cube

    Penshun – To refuse to think about what you’re going to live on when you stop work

    Pension pot – Drug taken to stop worrying about retirement

    Pension Whys – Pension questions that your ‘guidance specialist’ isn’t allowed to answer

    Retired – Relating to inability to work due to exhaustion

    Trivial commutation – A board game for people who can’t afford to do anything more interesting

    Winding up – The experience of listening to politicians with final salary pensions talk about how we all have to save for retirement

    And here are a few of my own:

    Ben-e-fit – Man who suffers from extreme shock when discovering how inadequate his pension savings are

    Deaficit – Not listening to warnings about pension underfunding

    De-find Contribution – Discovering money you put into a pension many years ago

    Discount rate – interest rate so small it might seem negligible but cannot be ignored for pension purposes

    Equitys – Acting professionals

    Sirplus – large pension entitlements for top executives

    Truss-tees – Pension savers who invest in turkey farms and golf clubs

    Yield – giving up hope of earning good returns

    HAPPY APRIL 1st

     


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